Monday, February 21, 2011

Q&A -Sexual Loyalty In Marriage Is Brahmacharya

For the one who is married, I have made just one rule, and that is that he must not look at any other woman sexually. And if such a look happens, then do pratikraman and decide never to let it happen again. Here is the definition of a married brahmachari. He does not look at any other woman. He never looks at any other woman sexually. He is free from sexual impulses when he looks at any other woman. He is very sincerely repentant if a sexual intent and look arises when he looks at any other woman.

Three thousand years ago, in Hindustan, ninety percent of men were married brahmacharis described above. How good were these people? Whereas today there might be, perhaps one in a thousand like them.

Questioner: Say if one has two wives, what is wrong in that?

Dadashri: Go ahead and have two wives. There is no problem in this. There is no problem in having even five wives. But if your intentions towards another woman become sexual, if another woman passes by and sexual impulses arise, then it is wrong. Shouldn’t there be some principles and rules?

There is no problem in having multiple wives. There is a rule in Islam that you should not have sexuality towards women who are not your wives. If you cannot be satisfied with one wife, then have two. They have the rule that you are free to have up to four wives. Who tells you not to keep four wives if you can afford do so? Let people talk if they want to. But you should not hurt any of them.

In this day and age, I consider sexual loyalty to one wife brahmacharya,  and I guarantee you that you will reap the same fruits of brahmacharya as they did in the times of the Lord Mahavir was walking on this earth.

Questioner: With regards to sexual loyalty to the wife, does the rule apply to the mind and its sexual thoughts towards other women? It may be possible to be loyal by acts, but what about the roving mind and thoughts?

Dadashri: The loyalty should also be at the subtle level of the mind too. Whenever the mind goes to another woman sexually, you should stay detached from it and continue doing her pratikraman. What is the limit for moksha? The limit is where there loyalty to one wife and one husband with the mind, speech and body in sexual matters exists.

As the breaths of life increase in frequency, the lifespan decreases. When is the maximum number of breaths used? It is in fear, in anger, in greed, in deceit and most of all in the sexual act with a woman. In the sexual act with a wife, they are used up more, but in illicit sex with any other woman they are used up much more. It is as though a reel has been suddenly unwound.

Questioner: Are the celestial gods sexually loyal to only their devi, their wife?

Dadashri: They are loyal to their devi, their goddess.  When they see someone else’s goddess and they may have a thought in their mind that ‘she is better than mine’, this can happen, but there would not be any changes in what already exists.

Questioner: There is no question of having sons in the celestial world, yet they do enjoy sex and each other, do they not?

Dadashri: Their sexuality is not like the one here. This is nothing but refuse. The gods would not even remain here. What is sexuality like over there? When his goddess comes in, his sexual desire is satisfied, just by looking at her. That is all. Certain gods are such that by just touching each other’s hands and squeezing them, their sexual act is over. As the gods’   spiritual levels rise to higher levels, their sexuality becomes less. For some, the sexual act culminates just by talking. There are some gods who are simply satisfied by having goddesses around for about an hour and there are some gods who do not have any need for a woman. Therefore, there are all kinds of gods in the celestial life form world.

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