loving with guilt never can heal, because the hypnosis of guilt causes illness. as a free child of God, made to the image of God, you are allowed to do whatever you want to do. but learn to do it with true love. but love. and whatever you do with love, creates a result of love. true, divine love however can but heal. can healing love be a guilt or failure ??? love with all of your heart and soul and you may create a situation of love and health within yourself and others. move on on your spiritual path with this in mind.
an experience that you may need now, may become obsolete in a few months, years or decades. because you have learned from your experiences and become ready to move to more spiritual lessons - hence your conscious living, experiencing and spiritually growing leads to lessons beyond the physical plane, beyond the need of physical incarnation caused by any karma. or open physical desires.
now to the remainder of your questions. what does spiritual people (and all others as well, but less consciously) disturb from time to time. it is the situation that they cause every once in a while that separates them from God. you know quiet well, and finally all others as well, what your souls need are. you know quiet well what kind of situation you need in your daily life to spiritually prosper and get free. but it is the situation that may be caused by some purely physical desires, like career, study, attachment, fear, feelings of obligation toward others and more, that lead to a new re-separation from God. the "distance" is getting greater again because you may distract from your spiritual priorities that really are important for your souls development, hence the results in your meditation and kriya yoga practice may get less - resulting finally in lack of spiritual satisfaction, lack of peace or harmony. as soon as a soul realizes that the person is drifting away from God for a while, it causes a feeling of distress and calls for help. deviation from the conscious learning progress on your path to God always causes a feeling of discomfort. make up your mind, find out your prime priority in your life and live it.
Learn from your past experiences. all your experiences, including being in the USA for study without being allowed to work. never any single person should accept such a situation. it is extremely important that you are allowed to work to be free in every sense - to do whatever you want and need to do. all the to work all the time or whenever you want or need for your own living. any other situation is causing a feeling of dependency and missing freedom, leading do depression, emotional stress and a stop of spiritual progress. do whatever you want to do - but do it NOW - full heartedly !!
whether you go to Canada, any other country or even return to India, it is up to you. consider well what you are planning. make up your mind, decide on a priority in your life. get information about the places you consider to go, their mentality, their spirituality, their problems, do you want to learn or to help / teach their ??
what is the first priority in YOUR LIFE. keep the result of your insight in mind. become truly aware of the result and realized this priority by putting all your efforts toward its accomplishment. write it down. stick this written decision to the inside of the door of your living room, or a similar place you see several times each day. so each time you leave your room, your apartment for any other place you are reminded of your prime goal in your life. compare all and everything you do with your first priority in your life. make sure that you spend your time, your energy and your present incarnation as well as your future to fulfill this single most important priority in YOUR LIFE. whatever your priority may be.
one day many years back, I made such a decision myself and for me the only worthwhile goal, decision and priority was God. because it is something lasting for eternity. anything else will be lost. again and again. any loss always may cause pain and stress. God however is Love. a life in peace needs Love, hence needs God, as he is the source of Love - he IS LOVE for eternity. this clear decision in my life made anything else that came later very easy to go trough. learning is continuous, no matter how long you spiritually grow. since God is infinite, the creation is infinite, the learning of any divine soul also is infinite. but with got in our mind, learning is but a LOVING process, filled and flooded with love, day by day. the more you spiritually grow the more love you feel, experience and can give to all. it is just a question of setting up and really and consciously agreeing on YOUR own priority.
when going to Canada, ask yourself whether you like it there. get INFORMATION before you yourself into get any new obligations and expenses or contracts. be free and remain free for the rest of eternity. now on earth and forever. what is the temperature there, the mentality, the food. are you vegetarian, if yes the colder the climate, the more difficult to find fresh and ripe fruits and vegetables year round. is it possible to go on a retreat for a few weeks or months or even years in Canada or the place of your choice for free. such as you could do easily in your home country India. remember that in India it is very easy to stay for months or even years somewhere in Himalaya or another place, build your own small hut or cave and meditate as long and peacefully as you want. and it is also possible to return to the high-tech India from such a retreat and almost everyone will understand what you have done, because spirituality is a normal condition and tradition in India but almost nowhere else on this planet.
all you need for your future is peace of mind and a place where you are free and welcome to do whatever needs to be done to meet all the needs of your spiritually growing soul.
Amit Upadhyaya also wrote:
"Hello hans (though I don't like to call you by thy name directly) ... "