Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
மகேந்திரன், புதுமைப்பித்தனின் சிற்றன்னை என்ற சிறுகதையினை அடிப்படையாகக் கொண்டு, உதிரிப்பூக்கள் என்ற திரைப்படத்தை இயக்கினார். இது தமிழ் திரையுலக வரலாற்றின் மிகச் சிறந்த படங்களில் ஒன்றாக கருதப்படுகிறது.
Mani Rathnam once said "If I get anywhere near what Mahendran did in Udhiri Pookkal, I’ll be a happy man."
For those who want to take Cineam as their mainstream, pls watch this classic. Even Mani Ratnam has once remarked, "If he could do a film like UP then he will be very happy" (Wiki)... Mahendran is a master director.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sex is a very small part of your bio-energy. It is given by nature to all beings. No one trains you to feel sexual. Yet you know it is there. What is required is to understand it and to face all the feelings that it arouses, rather than resorting to the centuries-old habit of repression and suppression.
It is a natural instinct which grows as the body grows. The hormonal and chemical changes bring forth the urge for sex. Our rishis have never ever condemned it - no wonder that most of them led a married life. Our ancestors never gave us this theory that celibacy is more pious and greater than indulgence. See our temples from Khajuraho to Ajanta Ellora. Statues of men and women in intimate positions have been carved right on the walls of these temples. Inside the temples, there is not even a single idol of any god or goddess. The message is clear: body, mind and consciousness are all divine and interrelated to one another. What happens in the mind affects the body, what happens in the mind affects consciousness and vice versa.
Sex has been generally condemned and never discussed. If sex had been bad then God shouldn’t had made it for nature and nature shouldn’t had given it to us. Our very birth has happened because of it, so how can one condemn one’s very own existence.
Firstly, sex has to be understood as to what it is, only then can one transcend it. By hating it, hiding it; we will be stuck in it. A child doesn’t have it from day one; it comes at a certain age. So, as it comes, truly speaking, it should go by certain age. But it is difficult to find those people who naturally have gone beyond it. Mind remains obsessed with it even in old age. One finds it difficult even to talk about how to come out of it. So what’s left is that you hide the fact even from yourself and suppress it as strongly as you can. This means that there is a continuous struggle with your very own nature. If indulgence is wrong, so is repression.
Many times people have come to me with this problem but have been ashamed to talk about it. They live a sexual life and are guilty of still having sexual urges. For the benefit of all I bring this out so that you know the facts.
Let us try to understand the human body. Yoga says that your spine is the most important organ in your body. It is the base of your body and mind; and the whole body is rooted to it. You are young as long as your spine is young. You begin to get old when your spine begins to get old. Regularpranayama, meditation, a right state of mind, correct food as well as discipline can keep your spine young, and therefore, you can keep old age away. Everything depends on your spine; if your spine is alive and energetic you will have a brilliant mind. If the spine is dull and dead, you will have a sluggish, slow mind.
Our spine has two ends - at the beginning is the sex center and at the other end is Sahasrar, the seventh center which is at the top of the head. The beginning of the spine is attached to the earth, i.e. your sex center. Sex is the most earthly thing in you. From the very beginning of this center you are in touch with nature, you are in touch with prakriti. From Sahasrar, you are in touch with the divine.
These are the two poles of your existence. If you are not divine or if you are not bringing divinity into your life - you will be a sex-oriented person. A person who carries sexuality in his mind, day in and out, is a worldly person. You can keep this façade of being a religious person but a truly religious person’s actions will not be sex-oriented. If sex is in your mind all the time then you are established in your lowest center. This center is not energized, nor awakened because the Muladhara chakra doesn’t need your energy to function.
Muladhara chakra takes energy from nature. Either your energy is flowing all the time from the sex center to the earth or your energy is getting released into the cosmos through Sahasrar. From Sahasrar you merge with Brahm, into the absolute existence. From the sex center you flow down into the relative existence. These are the two flows - one downward, the other upward. Unless your energy starts flowing upwards your miseries will never end, your sexual cravings will never end, your fantasies will never end and your greed will never end.
You must push your energy upwards. This is possible either withwisdom or with Yoga. I’m not saying that in Yoga you don’t need wisdom but I would like to put it in another way. There are two kinds of Yoga: Gyan Yoga and Ashtang Yoga. Through Gyan Yoga you move your energies upwards and the contemplative mind will begin to have glimpses of divinity. The more you are in these states of stillness; the more will be your wish to move higher in this path.
In Ashtang Yoga there is discipline, beginning with the body and moving to the mind with the help of Pratyahar and Dhyan. You systematically energize your Muladhara chakra and with the power of your mind, you move this energy from the lower centers to the upper ones. You may have glimpses of happiness - but they are illusionary ones. It will be like that, in a fraction of minutes there will be this great joy. But it won’t last long. This one glimpse will be enough to push you ahead on this path with a greater zeal because this glimpse has shown you your destination. When the energy starts moving upwards you start to experience more of such glimpses and once this energy reaches the Sahasrar, it is released from there. And then you will experience the absolute bliss, Paramananda. Then you become joy yourself.
Yoga is the method by which we learn to move our energy upwards through the spinal column, moving against gravity. Sex is easy because it follows gravity; earth is pulling everything down back to itself - even your sexual energy. This is something which astronauts experience when they are in space - they have less sexuality. They move beyond earth’s gravity and in a way they move away from their sexuality. When the body is in the state of weightlessness, sexuality diminishes.
The earth is pulling your life energy down and this is natural because life energy comes from earth. Through food we create life energy in our body. Now, food comes from earth and earth is pulling it back. The more epicurean taste you have, the spicier delicious food you’ll eat. And more food in your body means more sexuality. It will change into bio-energy and this bio-energy will keep your sexual center active.
When you eat food, you create life energy in you. This energy comes from earth and earth pulls it back - that’s how gravity works. Everything goes back to its source - life energy going back again and again, and you are moving in a circle. You will be going on and on for many lifetimes together - unless you take a jump just like an astronaut does. Yoga, in a way, teaches us to take this jump from the body to the mind, from unconsciousness to consciousness. The pattern of earth’s gravitational pull can be broken and that’s possible if you move your energy upwards.
In Bhairav Tantra, Lord Shiva gives one technique to Uma, his consort, which goes like this. Consider yourself as a light ray rising from the base center up the spine. If you use this technique in a proper way then it will be easy for you to rise from sexuality to divinity. This technique involves using the power of imagination. Lord Shiva is asking you to consider yourself as light. Isn’t this the same thing that Quran speaks? Quran says God is Light. Bible too says God is Light and if God is Light, so are you. Concentrate on the sex center and then feel that light is rising upwards to other chakras.
Yoga speaks of seven charkas. The first is Muladhara, at the base of the spine, close to the sexual center. The second is below the navel, called Swadishthan and there is another center called Manipurak. You move upwards and then there is one close to the heart. The one in our throat is called Vishudi and in our forehead is Agya. The last center is in our head called the Sahasrar. Some systems have divided these centers or charkas into nine, some three and others five. A division is not very meaningful; you can make your own divisions also but as such the five centers work in a much easier and a better way.
However, we need these divisions to move from one center to the next. It will be difficult to take this single jump from Muladhara to Sahasrar. Our mind can think in bits and fragments easily.
Feel this energy, these light rays rising up from the sex center to your navel like a river. Soon, you’ll feel the warmth rising in you. Soon your navel will become hot; you’ll feel the heat and others around you will also feel the heat.
With your imagination, move these rays from your navel up straight to the heart charka which is called the Anahad chakra. And your heart beat will change, your breathing will become deeper and you’ll feel the warmth in your whole body. Don’t stop. Keep moving upwards. You will experience a great livingness, a great life in your whole body, an inward light will keep rising up, and you’ll experience a great energy dawning upon you.
Now, sex energy has two parts: one is physical and the other psychic. In our body everything has two parts; the same goes for the mind: one is material and the other is spiritual. When we say sex energy has a material part then this material part is the semen. It cannot rise upwards, there is no passage for it to go up. When we say that the sex energy is rising then we are talking about the spiritual part and this can rise through the spinal passage. This spinal passage has these charkas which have to be felt, to be explored. Your sense, your feelings are dead; you hardly know about these centers. To bring these feelings back, we need to use tools and to learn to be sensitive. Otherwise, you can go on thinking that the energy is rising, but there won’t be any feeling at all.
When there is no feeling, the imagination becomes impotent. Only a creative imagination can give you some result. Just sit and close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you - the honking of a car, noise of the traffic or the lilting musical score. Whatever you listen to, just connect. Don’t use the mind, don’t judge, don’t say anything, just feel. You will feel that for a few moments you have become a child. You don’t need to think, just be in that moment and feel the sound.
Another tool is that when you take a bath, feel the bath. When you pour the water on your body, feel the water touching your body. Feel the trickling down of water on your body. When you rub the soap, feel the soap suds, the lather. Enjoy the moment. Whatever you are doing, feel it. When you are sitting idle, then feel the body which is sitting or bring your attention to the breath and feel the breath which is going in and out, in and out, not failing even for once. We are afraid of feeling our own body. Have you ever given attention to it? Do you love your body? Do you respect your body? Actually, our mind is sick, so is the society. A child touches his body with respect and love, and adults around him tell him not to. And then we pressurize this child to drop any kind of contact with the body and then the child begins to treat his body as if it is some stranger’s body, which he should not touch.
I have given a method of meditation called Sparsh dhyan; it’s the magic of touch where you use your own hands to touch and feel your own body. Actually, it’s not the body you are touching, it’s the divinity you are touching. You place your own hands on your head, on your toes, on your stomach, on your back; each and every part is pure, divine, naturally beautiful. Don’t ever think that this part is ugly and this part is not to be touched. But you are so scared; you think that if you’ll keep on touching your body, your sexuality will get activated. The truth is even if that’s the case there is no harm because for once you will experience this sexuality which will have a tinge of divinity in it.
You have always treated your body as material, you have always treated your body as something filthy. You have always done the act with this dirty feeling in your mind. Afterwards, you feel ashamed to talk about it. And that’s the reason Tantra says sex is divine, it is beautiful but only when you consider your body divine, when you consider yourself as divine. And when you consider your partner as divine, only then can the intimacy between man and woman becomes as pure and as sacred as it was when Shivaand Parvati were in union; union of body, mind and soul.
We need sensitivity and a creative imagination. These methods can be employed to help our energies to rise, to get our centers activated. And each center, when activated, will give you a phenomenal experience of being light, of being blissful. These glimpses will get clearer and clearer, deeper and deeper.
As you will continue to practice, when this energy will finally move to the Sahasarar, there will be no sensation at the sex center. It will be totally still and silent. When the sex center is excited, it becomes hot, you can feel that heat, it is physical. And when this energy will move upwards the sex center will become cool. And the heat will all go to the head. You will feel that dizziness happening to you and you can feel nauseated also. Because your body, your head is not ready to absorb this kind of heat. Don’t be afraid if after meditation you feel a little nausea or have a headache or feel dizzy.
Your body is not yet prepared, just not yet purified totally. It will happen when you start respecting your body. And then gradually, your body will get acquainted with this energy and will be able to absorb it. Then this energy will get more and more refreshing. When a lot of energy moves into the head, it has been seen that people can become unconscious. But within an hour the energy will come back and the state of unconsciousness will go. One cannot stay in this unconsciousness state for more than an hour. Actually, it can be less than an hour - within half an hour to thirty five minutes it will go away. This unconsciousness is not exactly the unconsciousness we are familiar with, it is more like a sleep. We have a special name for it, Yog nidra. It’s the deepest center and the head becomes hot - that’s a good sign. And when this energy gets released, your head will experience as if there is an opening of a lotus flower. This energy gets released into the cosmos and you will feel the coolness in your entire body, right from the head to the toe.
Now as I have explained in the simplest way possible, what is needed is for you to put this into practice. But before you start your practice, you need to understand that you must do it under the guidance of aGuru. Your Guru can help you whenever you get stuck as there is every possibility of your getting stuck because this whole path is so new and we need to tread on this path very gently. In the presence of the master it will become easier. And it won’t happen in just one day. Remember, there are no short cuts, there are no easy ways. So, you need to persevere and be consistent. One day, you’ll experience this wonderful state.
We need to explore deeper in meditation to understand that God has made us in such a way that if we use our wisdom we can turn even a negative thing into a positive one.
THOSE WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED DIVINE LOVE CAN NEVER REMAIN TIED TO THE BODY, CAN NEVER REMAIN SLAVE TO URGES OF BODY AND MIND. YOU ARE THE DIVINE ONE TO YOUR CORE, NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT, EVER!
More Info :http://www.gurumaa.com
Nature has made the two genders of male and a female different from one another. Their physical differences are evident, but they are different mentally too; they think differently. But one thing is common to them for sure, and that is that they cannot stay away from one another. Nothing can separate them, not even their multiple differences. A boy and a girl are apart only at the toddler stage, but once the hormone glands become active, nothing can stop them from coming together. Men can’t live without women or women without men. The truth is that nature has created these differences for a purpose. As the saying goes: Opposites will always attract. Mutual attraction between the sexes is nature’s handiwork.
Once upon a time, in primitive society, a man could have sex with any woman and vice versa - just like animals. Then, as man became wiser and started living in organized groups, the need for sex acquired another dimension - that of emotional attachment. This emotional attachment led to the further domestication of man and woman. The concept of marriage came into the picture and started taking shape slowly. When man started living in closed groups, the structure of society started to evolve, and society designed marriage around sexual attraction and emotional bonding.
Many people believe that marriages are tailor-made by god. One thing has to be understood: Marriages are not made in heaven and your partner is not chosen by god. Society has created a structure in which marriages are arranged and organized. Man is a lonely and social animal, and so in order to live his life he needs a partner. The Bible says that God first made man, but man was always unhappy, and so God created woman from the rib of man – to entertain him. So as per the Bible, man can never ever be truly happy without a woman in his life. Even today a woman is called ‘the better half of man’. The two halves have to be together for a feeling of completeness. Marriage is considered a medium for man and woman to feel complete. Well, it remains to be seen if that really happens or is simply wishfull thinking!
Boys will remain boys and girls will remain girls; they must get together and they will get together. And then the end result will be sex - which will lead to pregnancy, which will but obviously lead to the birth of a child. Bringing a child into this world is a responsibility, therefore the entire process needs to be given the utmost attention.
Curtailment of the sexual urge was the motive behind the idea of marriage. Boys and girls are attracted to one another, they seek attention and appreciation from one another. Movies, television and the print media helps this attraction or lust in so many ways, that children grow up faster and teenagers become adults earlier. The age of puberty age is decreasing every day. Girls used to attain puberty at around fourteen years of age; today it is happening at eleven, and even ten years of age. When the mind is bombarded with so much information, and that too in titillating ways, it brings about changes in thebrain, because of which the body too undergoes certain changes. The internet has given unlimited access to all kinds of information, from making friends to dating and looking for sexual partners. The sexual urge arises much earlier then it used to in the past.
Today’s teenager is much more aware of sex then the earlier generation. Sex arises within ones body and mind, and therefore, even when there are no external sources of knowledge, one still knew about it instinctively. This mutual attraction gives rise to the need for two individuals to come together, and therefore society established the institution of marriage.
Marriage is an institution in which two individuals are placed together so that their physical, emotional and social needs may be fulfilled. Marriage is an understanding between two individuals to accept one another in their entirety, and not selectively - accepting only the good parts and hating or rejecting the bad ones or trying to improve the person or condemn him or her all the time. Marriage is a bond which two individuals share with one another; marriage is living a life of commitment together, it is mutual sharing, love and trust.
Most people I have observed feel that marriage is something which everyone should indulge in at a certain age in their life, as though it is a compulsion; maybe for sex it is! For girls it is a license to get good clothes and be the focus of attention, even though just for a few nights during the wedding celebrations. For boys it is most definitely sex, and lots of it; the best part is that they don’t even have to pay for it! And yes, it is also about finally getting a woman they can own and flaunt in their social circle.
Sex seems to be the only binding factor for many married couples, who are otherwise nagging and fighting all the time. At times the bond is the children who are accidentally born of such encounters. Thus, for the sake of the children, social marriages are kept intact. I have observed many unhappy marriages that are still withstanding every onslaught, as a divorce would bring more complications and troubles for the couple and their children.
Now lets see how marriages are planned. In Indian society it is the parents or the elders who choose a bride or groom for their children. The norm is that this selection is made within the boundaries of caste and religion. What is the criteria for selection? Religion, money, social status, looks: this is the order of priority. In arranged marriages it is not the union of two individuals but of two families. Therefore economic worth is given great importance and then comes the status and of course the appearance. In love marriages, the chart is topsy-turvy; first come looks, and then everything else.
Never are compatibility, like-mindedness, likes and dislikes taken into consideration. Adults think that once the marriage takes place, the bride and groom can get to know one another - it is always a surprise package for both the man and the woman. If it works, good! And if it doesn’t work, no problem, just keep on trying to tolerate one another. In Hindu society there is a concept that once you are married to someone, the bond will last for the next seven lifetimes! Commitment for seven lives is a very serious thing – marriage is definitely a serious matter. If one is getting married with ones eyes closed, or if one is getting married in the hope that life is going to be heaven, then you are waiting for a disaster to happen.
Ramesh was congratulated by his lovely wife Sunita, “Darling, it is our wedding anniversary. I pray to god to be your wife in my next seven lives too.” Ramesh whispered to himself, “O god, may this be my last birth, how else will I tolerate her for the next seven.”
Lets see examine how marriage was viewed in the distant past, from the point of view of tradition. In Vedic times, marriage was considered to be not entirely a social contract or a worldly commitment, but was seen as an important part of ones spiritual journey. Masters and students saw life in a larger perspective.
For a Hindu there are four pillars on which life should ideally be based: Dharma – the principle of life; arth – money; kaama - desires including sex; moksha – liberation. These were considered the four objectives of life. A human being should strive to experience all four in order to bring about a total harmony, completeness and fullfilment to life.
All Hindu gods are married: Shiva & Parvati, Vishnu & Lakhsmi, Ram & Sita, Krishna & Rukmini. Most of our sages and rishis were married. Vashist, Atri, Vishwamitra, Agasthya, and Garga Acharaya, the list goes on and on. Marriage was considered holy; it was not entered into for the sake of sex alone. Undoubtedly procreation was a reason, but another very important reason was that marriage was considered a part of sadhana. Living through the body and experiencing physical and emotionalcloseness and security was expected to mature the mind and take one to a deeper understanding of life. Usually people live their lives without any understanding of how and why things happen. In order to understand every experience with total awareness, training was given before marriage, to both men and women.
Boys and girls received training of the mind by various means: studying of the scriptures, contemplation,meditation - serving the master for a good eighteen years made them mature and responsible adults. This period of brahmcharya was a preparation for the future challenges in a householder’s life. When a person gets married, every bhoga – sensory pleasure - is within reach. This is the time to test whether man is the master of his body, mind and senses, or it is the sensory objects which will enslave him.Marriage means being in the world and of the world, and yet being firmly established in ones spiritual practices; learning to remain distant and aloof from it. We live our life through this body; resisting the urges of the mind and body is a losing battle.
Being in disciple-hood was like being trained to live life in all its colours and richness. The gurukuls and ashrams were mostly run by rishis – the enlightened ones. Just imagine the wonder of being in the lap of nature, serving the master, learning and growing in meditation everyday! One may wonder what the need is for such training. And the answer is: “Don’t you learn to drive a car in an open field before you drive it in a crowded city lane?” Similarly, before one begins to live actively in samsara, one needs to know the rules of living life. More importantly, before one gets totally involved in sensual and carnal pleasures, the gurus wanted the student to experience the great bliss and calmness of spirituality, so that when a person indulged in sensual pleasures, it was with the knowledge that this was not the purest form of bliss.
When the mind is totally absorbed, there will be moments of great calmn, peace and joy. The young minds will be filled with so much energy, insight and purity, that the whole world together will be unable to sully the mind. When one experiences beautiful moments of divine energy, one is satiated, calm and peaceful. All the knowledge in the scriptures can only provide a guide map to what sex is and what it can give; what meditation is and what one can get from it. These wonderful experiences have already been sampled, and now when marriage finally takes place, it is not for mere sexual satisfaction; it is for putting to the test, the knowledge one has received from the master.
Men and women were given an opportunity to select their life partners. Royalty had the tradition ofSwamywar where a princess selected her groom; The girl could choose - from amongst several suitors - what kind of a husband she desired for herself. Once the selection was made, the two would live together as man and wife. The experiences gained in meditation would always be at the back of their minds and they would always seek similar moments in their married life. Little wonder then, that by the age of fifty they would begin to think of going back to the ashram where they had experienced the purest love. Even if they stayed back at home, they would live like sages – spending their time in contemplation and meditation - serving all.
Marriage was supposed to be a tool of sadhana, a testing-ground for ones mind, to see how much it is attached to sex, wealth, house, name etc. Male and female energies should work together to achieve a higher state of consciousness. When two mature individuals support one another, it can be a beautiful journey. Both work as mentors to each other; both help each other rise above human errors. A true love blossoms between two such individuals who give the other person care, love and attention, without seeking the same in return. When both wish to give – both end up being enriched. When two incomplete, ill-matched people are married, where both wish to extract pleasure and fun from each other, where both parties are beggars, then who will give whom and what? If two beggars beg from one another, who will receive and who will give? Zero plus zero is zero, not one. Do consider your stand and ask yourself: “Do I have something to give or am I just expecting a number of things from my spouse.”
An ignorant couple’s marriage is a contract where both agree in the presence of society, to duly, as per custom, exploit one another, make life hell and burn in it - as long as they live - or as long as they live together. The entire society witnesses this and the occasion is celebrated with great fanfare. Quarrelling, bickering and even physical abuse is considered a part married life!
My question is: “Did you marry nurturing the same sentiments and mind-set as described above? If unmarried, are you preparing to get married in a similar manner, as it is supposed to be? Everyone is so keen to get married but no one talks about this! Therefore, I say good! Go ahead and get married, but are you prepared for it? Do you know what marriage really means? If you get married without the right understanding of marriage, then most probably it will become a curse for you. It will become a cross on which you will be martyred.
Please think before you leap. If you are well prepared for marriage, then it can be heaven, and if you are not, then it will be a curse. By itself, marriage is neither heaven nor hell - it is what a person makes of it.
More Info :http://www.gurumaa.com
Sex is, was and will remain the biggest issue in men and women’s lives. It is craved and yet it is taboo! It is desired, hated, dreamed about, grabbed forcefully, wished for and condemned – all at the same time! This is the eternal truth about sex! Man is bound in it and bound by it; he cannot live without it, and yet all religious authorities, gurus, swamis and yogis collectively condemn it! But humanity is obsessed with sex! What a dilemma for poor human beings!
We need to understand that sex is a basic instinct given to all beings - animals, birds, mammals, reptiles and humans - by nature.Nature is a creation of god and god is great! Is that not true? If your answer is yes, then nature cannot be impure, and its creations - the body and sex are not impure either.
Sex is, was and will remain the biggest issue in men and women’s lives. It is craved and yet it is taboo! It is desired, hated, dreamed about, grabbed forcefully, wished for and condemned – all at the same time! This is the eternal truth about sex!Sex is the energy to create a new life; sex is a source of enjoyment too. Human beings understand thelanguage of touch and they desire a loving and affectionate touch. A baby sleeps peacefully when stroked lovingly by its mother. The hand of a husband, wife, friend, colleague, mother or father, placed reassuringly on the shoulder is always a morale booster. When a loved one pats our head, Oh! We love it. Human beings understand the language of touch. Touch gives a physical expression to our innermost feelings. We love to be held, cuddled and embraced. We have to accept this first and then we can move deeper into the subject.
Men and women are complementary to one another, therefore a mutual attraction occurs. With the growth of the body and mind, the surging hormones lead to attraction. No one teaches a boy and a girl to like one another or to want one another; to woo one another or to go on a date etc. Rather, society in general wishes to keep them apart, as parent’s fear that something wrong may happen. Well, what new will happen that the parents themselves have not done? Even so, girls in a family grow under the watchful eagle-eye of parents, brothers and other family members. But can they really be stopped? The truth is that boys and girls will remain boys and girls, and therefore the more they are denied proximity, the more they will be attracted to one another.
At one time, it was during college that girls and boys would have their first sexual encounter, but now it is happening as early as the school level. Today children have better information even without their parents or teachers explaining what sex is.
Mr Duttta thought it was the right time to teach his growing younger son Amit, all about the birds and the bees. It was difficult for the father to explain everything to his young son, so he tried his level best to use the right words, diluted the terms, attempted the right usage of sentences in order to explain this natural phenomenon occurring between the opposite sexes. After two hours of explaining, exhausted and flushed he asked Amit, “Have you understood.” The son nodded a big yes and went out to his elder brother Rohit who was playing in the ground. “What happened inside,” asked Rohit. Amit said, “Nothing much, what we were doing with the girls yesterday behind the cars, well, father says the birds and the bees do the same.”
Whenever society says no to something, they are actually giving a hidden invitation to do that very thing. A mental attitude is formed that it must be something good and exciting that is allowed to adults alone and not to children and teenagers. Slowly children learn in their own Columbus-style explorations what it is that is being kept a secret from them. Earlier this information came from older friends, nowadays it is the internet where all information is available, and lest you forget, on the net pornography is shown in its true colors.
I ask all readers, can you say that you or your children haven’t watched a pornographic site? Just surprise your children by suddenly appearing behind them when they are doing their so called school project on the computer. Today, when pornography is available right on your mobile, how can you shut your eyes to this and how can you stop your children from experiencing it before time? Yes, it is a social norm at least in India, that sex is acceptable only after marriage. So girls are being educated in order to become eligible for marriage to the right boy. And get married for what? You know it, don’t you?
Sometimes boys and even girls break this rule and have their fun. Married people are definitely into it; the unmarried are waiting for their licence. On the other hand there are monks and nuns living in ashrams and monasteries who have been asked to shun sex totally. They do try hard, very hard! So hard that they begin to have nightfalls – aka wet dreams! The bolder ones masturbate and the even bolder ones look for a mate. Then there are still others who feel so guilty that the next morning they will pray all the more ardently, telling their beads with vigor and feelings of guilt. Monasteries do not allow spicy food – food that incites sexual feelings. Men and women are kept apart so that no accidents happen. Day and night sermons are given that sex is bad, filthy, a sin and hated by God.
Every other day we hear stories of gurus sexually exploiting their disciples, and whether or not these stories are true, everyone is ready to believe them, as people know from their first-hand experience that it is the most difficult thing to control oneself. Anyhow, church and temple authorities, have been accused of sexual molestation; children are the targets of pedophile priests and gurus. All those who denounce sex have been found to be guilty of that which they speak against! So the bhogi - those who indulge in sex - and the tyagi – the renunciate – are both involved in it. In a way, all of society seems to berevolving around sex.
Why is society so conscious of fashion, dressing up, money, status, family and success? Well, it is for sex! Suppose you are holed up at home or marooned on an isolated island with no one around you, would you still dress up and show off your body, brains or money? Man can live without money, name and fame, but cannot live without sex. No wonder children are produced even in poverty! They are just born accidentally!
If you analyze your mental attitudes, you will learn that their roots go deeper than the level of mere thought. All the roots of your attitudes lie in the primitive fountains: food, sex, sleep and self-preservation. More then anything else it is sex which is the most alluring and powerful root that triggers impulsive reactions in the body and mind. It is a strange dilemma of man. What can be done about this? First and foremost we need to understand that sex can’t be bad, otherwise god wouldn’t have created it. And if god has created sex then there must be some purpose to it. Indeed, a purpose is there!
At the physical and mental level sex is a great stress reliever and pleasure giver; procreation happens because of sex. If your parents had not had sex then you wouldn’t have been born, right? So we were born because of our parent’s sexual activity. All avatars, gurus, yogis, devotees, bhaktas, scientists, poets, ordinary and extra ordinary beings have been born of sexual activity. So indeed sex is a good thing – right? Do you agree? Well! You should!
At the spiritual level it is said that when a mentally and spiritually evolved man and woman first had sex, it was the time when the first glimpse of beyond-ness was experienced. The first lightning experience of divinity happened in that moment. As the couple was highly intelligent, they started working on it, understanding, exploring what it was and what it meant. Maybe hereafter the existence of something beyond, an higher energy, an higher being - God - was realized. As per Hindu scriptures they were none other than Shiva and Parvati. This divine couple is adored and worshipped; their teachings are meditated upon. This happened many many kalpas ago - exactly when can’t be stated in chronological terms. There is a system in Vedic mathematics to understand how many trillion years there are in one kalpa - and this happened many kalpas ago. This story has travelled to us in time.
Our seers worked intensively to understand why the urge for sex is there, why man behaves in certain ways when he is around women. Animals have a fixed mating season but human beings have no fixed season; they are always involved in it. After years of observation they came to various conclusions which were not random but arrived at after a critical analysis of hundreds and thousands of men and women. They laid down certain rules to explore sex and also ways to sublimate it.
In Vedic times human life was assumed to be of one hundred years, and was divided into four ashrams or schools – brahmacharaya, grihastha, vanaprastha and sanyas. Girls and boys were sent to a gurukul to study subjects like astrology, mathematics, yoga, psychology and Sanskrit. While living in a pious environment, children were exposed to a rigorous discipline and higher learning. On completion of their studies, it was suggested that they marry a person of their choice. Many people live for sex, but when the opportunity comes they cannot enjoy it. To experience this enjoyment, a person needs inner strength and sometimes that is not there. Sometimes due to food habits, lack of rest or lack of quality sleep, the body is not coordinated with the mind. Then you find yourself incapable of some actions or of behaving correctly while performing the sexual act; this leads to apprehension. Gurukul trained people to bestrong of mind and body and to lead a disciplined life.
Sex can be very harmful and unproductive if it is done without love. Some people do it like a physical exercise, but this is not a healthy way to approach sex. Your appetite for food is directly related to your body, but sex is not directly related to your body. Unless the thought or feeling comes into your mind,you cannot perform sex. Sexuality occurs in the mind first, and is then expressed through the body. The desire for food occurs in the body first and later affects the mind. Therefore our sages laid great stress on the importance of training the mind and the brain through various yogic postures and methods of dharana and dhyan to achieve the desired balance.
A couple who is well educated and has meditated and served their masters, have all the required patience, tolerance, control and education about body and mind. One who has not trained the bodycannot really enjoy sex.
Thus, for years before entering into matrimony, both were trained morally, physically and intellectually, so that when marriage took place, life would be enriched with beautiful colors. Sex between those who respect and love one another can be a great experience. And after twenty-five years of sexual experiences, both man and woman would outgrow the need for sex. But remember, the experience of sex for intelligent loving couples can give rise to the wisdom for them to come out of it.
Once they would cross the age of fifty, both would begin to prepare to hand over the family responsibility to the older son. They’d prepare to move from grihastha ashram to vanaprastha ashram, dedicating more time to sadhana. And if either of the partners would desire sex, then maybe they would revert to the guru and gurukul, to take up intensive and dedicated practices for the remainder of their life.
But we are living in a very different society where the ashram system is hardly practiced. This means that the full responsibility to train ourselves is ours. Sex begins from a thought in the head and then the brain, supported by glandular systems, arouses the body. If the mind is calm and the brain is balanced, then the urges won’t be there; it would be more like a system which is well managed and is used when a conscious decision to use it is made. Sex has to be experienced with wisdom and the knowledge that it won’t give permanent peace; it is just a temporary method to feel good.
It can’t give you ananda, not from this woman nor from that one; not from this man nor from that handsome hulk. Sex as such won’t last for more than a few minutes, so how can it give you long lasting happiness? If you still wish to – go ahead and enjoy.
Question: Can a good experience of sex give us the understanding to come out of it?
Answer: No, it won’t give the understanding to come out of sex; do not jump to conclusions. The whole world is sexed up, having loads of sex. Are they getting wiser and coming out of it? No, they are not. Wisdom may or may not come with direct experience. Sometimes highly evolved sages who had matured to the level of sublimation of sex, are born in their present life with wisdom, hence they do not have to go back to the same class of sex again.
But yes, they won’t condemn sex either; those who do so are definitely not wise. Wisdom and experience may happen side by side, or wisdom alone may be sufficient to come out of it. As long as sex is needed, one should not deny oneself, but if it becomes an obsession, then something definitely needs to be done. As a dry leaf simply drops off the branch, similarly one day the sex urge wanes.
Question: Is sex a hindrance to spiritual practice?
Answer: No, sex isn’t a hindrance, but understand that if your mind thinks about sex compulsively orsuppresses sex, then it is a hindrance. It is just like if you are hungry you eat food; eating is not bad but if someone keeps thinking about food - that is sick! If sexual thoughts are overpowering your mind, then how can you focus on anything else? If the mere sight of a woman or a girl is enough to arouse you, then there is a problem. Do not be sexually starved and do not treat sex at just the physical level. Sex minus love is animalistic where each partner is using the other for pleasure and release.
It amounts to treating a person like an object - no one likes that! When sex is the end purpose of a relationship, there will be frustrations, agitations and accusations. There will be a struggle to overpower one another. When husband and wife are wrestling with one another, then how can one come out of the need for sex? Sex should happen when they understand each other love and respect each another - then sex can be beautiful and will help to move deeper in love. From mere copulation it will lead to a spiritual union. Human beings need love - not just sex or physical touch. Love satisfies the mind, sex doesn’t.
Question: How can we avoid thinking about Sex?
Answer: You will think about it if you want to think about it. When you have nothing meaningful to do then sexuality will fill the space. If your heart and mind is filled with music, creativity, poetry and prayer, can there be room for anything else? When you experience bliss from within, then sex won’t even come in your distant thoughts.
Man is looking for joy and happiness. If he knows where it is in its concentrated, truest and purest form - that is in divine love - then he will never ever be satisfied with sex alone, which has just the weakest ray of joy in it and yet seems so tempting to everybody.
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